Why We Desire To Be Loved

What am I seeking in this world that I should be finding in God?

It seems our desire for intimacy with God causes us to do crazy things when we aren't receiving it.

Even if your heart or mind does not desire intimacy with God right now, your spirit always will. There is a hole in us that only God was meant to fill. We try to fill it with things, people, relationships, sex. But nothing we can find can replace Him. And we will go on looking until the world consumes us, or once God is merciful enough to give us everything we yearn for in Him.

I'm not just talking about what I think about God, I am a future bride talking about what I have experienced with my future Bridegroom.

Because that is who HE IS: our True Love. Forever and ever.

Do not let any lie deter your thinking that He does not love you like you are His bride, because He does. Oh how He does! He desires you more than any human being could possibly desire you. Your desire to be loved? That's found in HIM.

He wants to spend time with you, He wants to hear from you, talk to you, to be ONE with you. That's why He says love Me with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength...because that is the reason we walk this Earth. That is the reason we were created. That is the reason we have insatiable hungers for love/sex/intimacy with someone special. We are special to Him! He created us, died for us, and has saved us for the same reason: LOVE.

We are His love.

His love conquers us. It topples over our desire to sin. It takes over our longing for others. He makes us satisfied, because that's who He was meant to be for us. Our eyes cannot see Him but our spirits crave Him. Our ears cannot hear Him but our hearts leap at His voice. The Shepherd will always pursue His one lost sheep until He finally has you back His arms. And to save you from eternal death, He gave His life.

Because He loves you.

Allow Him to love you. Embrace being loved by the One who created you. His love for you is a love like no other. Pursue the ecstasy of His love.

He wants you to experience His love. His desire for YOU was the Passion that drove Him to the cross! You were His Passion. He had you in mind when He died. Because He loves you. He always will. And there is nothing you can possibly do to shake Him. And to those of you who see yourself as unlovable in this world, I assure you, He has endless love stored up especially for you. Yes, even sinners like you and me.

When we share in His love, we are filled with all the joy this life has to offer. And in this we have hope: we will receive all His love to the full in Heaven, where we can enjoy being in love with Him forever.

A Broken Heart Renewed

My heart was broken. I was a mess. I wanted to trust God, but I was too hurt to trust anything or anyone. I hated my reality. I hated who I was. I hated where I was. It seemed to me that there was no way out, surrounded by darkness and loneliness.

I felt like a failure. I felt worthless. I wanted to be so much more, and I knew God wanted so much more for me, but I refused to let Him in, I tried to hide in the darkness. But He was there. He never loved me less, though I felt less loved. He never deserted me, though I felt all alone. He had plans to prosper me, though I felt hopeless.

Why was I going through this? What had I done to fall so far from the path, and how was the fall so hard that I couldn’t seem to get up from it? I was confused, lost, and afraid. I lived in a constant state of anxiety that I wasn’t good enough, that I was a failure, that I could not do anything right. I would agonize for short periods, allowing myself to admit what I was doing was wrong, not listening, following, or trusting Him and His voice.

I would usually go to bed upset with myself. I hated being so lonely and at the same time so helpless and lost to find a way out. I did not realize how much my pain was keeping me there. I did not realize the amount of pain in the depths of my heart either. What was there to do but try to ask God to do what He always does: Saves, Redeems, Restores.

Knowing that God was all too capable of doing anything He wanted I started getting angry because I felt I was being left alone in my struggles. I knew I needed to get to Him, but was too self-absorbed to want to get to Him. I kept telling myself to trust Him…but for some reason, in that state, the word trust was not in my vocabulary.

So I agonized all over again that I was so evil to want my ways instead of His. Like I said, I hated who I was…and what was worse was all along I knew God wanted to create in me rivers of living water…but I would not let Him. I felt like I COULD not let Him.

I’m sure we have all been in a place of not being the man or woman we know God wants us to be. After all, we all have sinned and fall short of His glory, and we are always being shown mercy. So I’m sure a feeling of guilt in our conscience is probably all too common. Us Christians tend to think that we should do something, anything, to deserve knowing Him, or at least to live like Christ. Nonetheless, I felt like I had to be more evil than the common man, because I was doing what I knew was wrong (deliberate rebellion) and rejecting what I knew was good (denying Christ).

I say all of that to say this: I had no idea how much I needed to grieve the inner turmoil I was experiencing. I did not validate my pain and my scars because I tried to be “tougher than that.” I did not let God in because I was unconsciously holding on to a deep seeded pain. The pain of feeling betrayed, neglected, and mistreated. The kind of pain that I had tried to forget about, sweeping it under the rug, but was reminded of it out of nowhere. It  made me wonder, “Where has THAT been hiding?”

By an extraordinary and supernatural act of God, He helped me search the depths of my pain. He came along side me and made me fully aware of His presence. And man, the presence of God…it is a deeply moving experience. I felt Him next to me, and started to tear up. It was a glimpse of how He still loved me as His son. I was still tentative, but when He placed His hand on my shoulder I wept. I can see no other reaction to the presence of God but to be filled with overwhelming awe and wonder, and completely at peace. I felt like that was the place my spirit had been thirsting for, aching for, because it was. I was saturated with spiritual joy.

I let out a lot of suppressed pain and it released a ton of weight off my chest/heart/shoulders. Anger and doubt left my heart. I felt renewed and loved. Basically the opposite of how I had been feeling: decayed and unlovable. But praise God for His tender mercy and His great compassion on all He has made! There is no other love that compares to the love He has for His sons and daughters! We are all precious to Him…how awesome our God is!

Just thought I’d share His goodness with you. And how His healing touch cleansed my heart and soul, and rid me of all my guilt and shame. Are you experiencing His love? Ask yourself if you want to. Ask Him to show you. It is the love that changed the world. And it is only by His love that we are changed. The old has gone, the new has come!