A Look Into Nathan Prince

I am often put off with getting close to others, sadly, not because of my lack of brotherly love for people, but because I get REALLY insecure about what I could offer, and how I will inevitably fall short of who I want to be, and who people expect me to be.

And yes, I will be exploring tough things like insecurities often, because the less they are acknowledged, to more power they have over you. And if you have not experienced this to be true in your life, in case you have built a "locked safe" around your heart, I challenge you (in love) to begin to explore why we don't do things we want to do, and/or why we do things we know we shouldn't be involved in.

And you could put a general label on it and call it Sin, which wouldn't be innacurate, but again, when you call it out for what it is (say insecurties for example) your awareness of what exactly you may struggle with, helps you cope with the fact that yes, it is there, and no, you aren't a weirdo or cursed for having said burden.

But I wouldn't blanket statement Sin because we write it off as something we're destined to do, when we have the power of the Holy Spirit, given freely to those who put their faith in Christ, to "see if there be any wicked way in us" and offer that up to God. With faith comes trust, and we must trust in Truth (His Word and promises) that He conquers evil, the powers and forces of Darkness, and can revive those who are spiritually dead.

God often reminds me that I should never forget that Christ said with authority that things that are impossible with man, is possible for God. Faith means trusting in His Sovereignty, Overcoming Power, and Endless Love He has on all He has made. Acting on that faith (as James said) is the biggest challenge...and I can write more about what God has shown me on that later.

But as of right now, if you have read this far, I should probably tell you where I am coming from, some of the things I have been through that have flipped my world upside down as I knew it, and why I am seeking to connect with you, if you are interested that is :)

I have experienced forms of grief most of my life. I had ADHD growing up, and it ostrisized me throughout my childhood and I felt like a failure at everything I was "supposed" to be like. I became an introvert from age 11-16 from painful experiences and heart-breaking results from being simply being me (which was the hardest thing). In high school I started experiencing symptoms of Bipolar Disorder, and by 18 I was full blown MA-NIC. I wasn't "insane" or violent or anything, but I was very hard to be around because I was so obnoxious and hyper.

More recently however, and the MOST life-altering thing that ever happened was on August 2nd, 2006 my best friend since childhood, my baby sister, died in a car accident on her way to Gulf Shores in Alabama. She was 19, and I was 21 (almost a junior in college)

Her death was (thankfully) quick and from what I understand painless, because the car was basically demolished.

So I'm going to have to apologize ahead of time if ever you feel uncomfortable with the reality of death, or the sadness of the death of a young woman and a precious soul...but like I said, I have decided to be real, and death is as real as it gets!

I struggled with the immediate feeling of both shock of losing her, and the acceptance of death for a few years, but most surprising to me (and what goes against logic) is that once the shock and acceptance had processed, and after the period of grieving intensely, it got much harder to deal with.

I can reason that you may perhaps be asking yourself, "Really?" After all, haven't we all experienced the truth behind the saying, "Time heals all wounds." And if you lost things you cared about, as very real and sad as that may be (and I fully understand and appreciate), it is just...different when you lose a part of yourself. Didn't realize how MUCH she was a part of me, but it's just this gaping hole that has remained, and the harsh realization that not only has it not gone away, it has disabled my ability to brush things off calously like I used to easily do, to now, where my sheer existence is like I am made of glass.

I picture myself as a vase, which not only is empty and the once beautiful designs that made it unique have worn off. It has been chipped around the edges, and has cracks all throughout its once unbroken structure, and even the slightest bump up against the table it rests on will send it crashing to the ground.

This is not to say that this vase is irrepairable, it is actually impossible to restore an actual broken vase to what it once was. But the Potter that made this vase created it in such a way that only He can pick up the shattered vase lying helplessly and hopelessly broken, and restore it back to the way He originally designed it, and through the compassion He has on it as His prized creation, He makes it even more beautiful and unique than before. It now has a peaceful security in knowing how much care the Potter has for it, and has more joy than ever because while it was shattered on the ground, useless and forgotten, He stooped down and picked up every piece and made it anew.

The display of the love and compassion of the Potter toward His vase in this story shows the beauty of God's grace, and how much compassion and understanding He has on this fragile vase I have become.

You should know that this story just flowed out of me from the Holy Spirit, not myself.

And He is why I write.